BRO QUEST 2009

First off, a big thanks to Ed Knight, Mary Jane Alexander, and their kids, for letting us crash in their apartment at Lake Superior State University for two days, and for being really awesome hosts. Mary Jane Alexander is an excellent photographer and published a book called "Salt of The Red Earth", which is collection of photo-essays from one hundred different Oklahoman Centenarians. It is an outstanding work (Pat and I have both read it cover to cover today) and is worthy of a spot on your bookshelf/coffee table when it goes to second print. Further, Ms Alexander is up for Outstanding Artist in The Oklahoman Gazette's "Best of OKC" survey (as M J Alexander). The survey can be found here. Please consider voting for her, we can vouch for her photographic genius. We're also proud that Sauced Pizzeria, one of our sponsors, is up for "Best Pizzeria". Not to sway your vote, but you know how much you love Sauced, get vocal about it.

We got delayed by a day due to health/weather (things are ace for tomorrow, no worries), so before we head off into Canada (a/k/a the Mexico of the North) I thought I'd talk for a few paragraphs about a subject near and dear to BROQUEST--food.

One would think that since we have devoted our summers to being in the best shapes of our lives that we would be absolute health fanatics with scientifically-determined proportions of macro- and micro-nutrients. Further evidence supporting this theory is that all three of us are decent-to-excellent cooks and that prior to this trip we were all reasonably conscientious of our health and diets.

However, the theory is false: At this point Pat and I have eaten pretty much every item sold by grocery stores at least twice, and have consumed all manner of cheap hamburgers, greasy fries and pretty much any other caloric garbage we could shovel into our maws.

Not to sound like we are just eating a bunch of random crap, we have had some outstanding meals both at camp and at restaurants, and we try to get as many fresh fruits and vegetables as possible. The issue at hand is the sheer quantity of food we burn through. For example, here's what we ate for dinner last night:

• Family-size bag of doritos (thanks to our hosts, the Alexander family)
• Six pack of beer (thanks again to our hosts, the Alexander family)
• Family-size box of couscous
• Six gigantic cheddar bratwursts
• Two heads of broccoli
• Three quarters of a red onion
• Half a container of mushrooms
• Two cherry turnovers

Here's breakfast this morning:

• One lb of breakfast sausage links (approx. 16)
• Eight eggs
• Remaining quarter of an onion
• Remaining half-container of mushrooms
• One lb of hash browns
• Half lb of cheese

And here's dinner tonight:

• One lb of cod
• One lb of hash browns
• Half pint of whipping cream (in batter)
• Three eggs (in batter)
• One sleeve of saltines (in batter)
• Half-container of butter (for cooking)
• One lb of broccoli
• One lb of green beans
• Four zucchini
• One onion
• One bell pepper
• Six pack of beer

Keep in mind that the above meals were split between two people. Actually, I'm still kind of hungry, and I bet that Pat and I will eat this container of powdered donut holes that we picked up before bed. And we're planning on cooking up 30-ish pancakes for breakfast, which will be downed with some bananas and maybe some pop tarts, along with about a half-gallon of coffee.

Obviously we're on a budget of sorts, and we've developed a sort of calculus of utility, where we balance four different factors:

• Price
• Caloric content
• Weight
• Transportability

As an example, the ultimate calorie-per-dollar value is ramen noodles, which comes in at 500 calories/package, meaning 3,000 to 5,000 calories per dollar spent on food. Weight-wise ramen noodles are among the lightest food, and since they have to be crushed prior to cooking they also do very well on transportability. Of course, nutritionally it's an awful choice, but we eat like 6000-8000 calories a day and can't feasibly eat a balanced diet.

Some other things we've noticed:

• Butter toffee peanuts have about 1,000 calories for a $1.50 package
• Yogurt has more calories per serving than snack-pack pudding
• Literally everything has high-fructose corn syrup in it
• The standard candy bar has between 200 and 300 calories
• Standard-sized drinks almost universally contain between 120 an 200 calories, and are chemically virtually identical
• Hostess fruit pies have 470 calories per pie
• Those individually packaged muffins typically have 600+ calories
• Pretty much regardless of caloric quantity consumed, the second we start bicycling we get hungry
• Goober brand peanut-butter-and-jelly-in-the-same-jar does not need to be refrigerated, and will last one-and-a-half meals between Pat and I
• Beer, in moderation, is actually chemically superior to gatorade, powerade, etc--less processed ingredients, same balance of carbs and electrolytes, mild anesthetic

Typically when we go to a convenience store (anywhere from one to four times a day while riding), we first scan through the entire store for things we haven't yet eaten. Next, we'll scan the backs of products for overall calorie content versus price. People tend to stare at you when you start muttering about how nothing has enough calories. If it's in the afternoon, the process is complicated by the fact that we're pretty much zombies from the road. It's really something special.

I realize that this was not the most entertaining article, and I apologize for that. I hope it does shed some light on how the touring cyclist thinks, and we hope you're all doing well in your respective lives.