BRO QUEST 2009

This isn't the first time I've tried Four Loko. Generally, I try to avoid EXTREME ADVERTISING or purposefully misspelled language on products I buy. This has both. Cameron and I were introduced to it at a party in Richmond this spring by a guy who really knew his alcopops. For two bucks you can get the alcohol content of 4 beers and the caffeine equivalent of 8 cups of coffee. It comes in great flavors like watermelon, orange, grape and fruit punch. Curiously, the can is 23.5 fluid ounces - I suspect an even 24 ounces of Four Loko is enough to kill a horse.

I drank a can as soon as we pulled into Schaffer State Park, and the rest of the night was a blur. Cameron sensed my building rage and blind drunkenness coming on, so he invited me to skip stones to unleash my aggression. Really, all I wanted to do was throw rocks. I then spent the next hour searching all four of my panniers over and over trying to find my camp pillow. It was in the tent all along. When Cameron and Stuart finally convinced me to go to sleep, I was really restless and woke up several times with night sweats. At one point, I started freaking out because I thought spiders were crawling up and down my legs.

The Loko also ruined my appetite. So far, we've been getting enough calories at dinner, but I was so full of crappy alcoholic energy drank, that I couldn't finish my dinner or eat any toasted marshmallows. I suffered the next day since I eventually ran low on power. If I did not have to bike 90 miles a day, Four Loko is a decent alcopop to warm up the night. Given the demands of Broquest, Four Loko will no longer be a welcome companion on Broquest.